Movie Review: Little Hercules

Many people have made movies and television shows about Hercules, the son of the Greek god Zeus and a mortal woman.  We've seen Hercules joking around with Bruce Campbell, we've seen him beating up James Woods.  Last year, Hollywood gave us a fresh take on the legend.  What if the Greek Gods lived to this day, but didn't know it was the current day?  Also what if Mount Olympus was right over Burbank, California?  Then you would have a pretty bad movie, all things considered.

The movie picks up with Hercules sitting around Mount Olympus, talking with his fellow gods. It should be noted that Socrates is now a Greek God.  All of the sudden Marduk (played by Paul Wight aka The Big Show) arrives and starts trying to pick a fight with Zeus.  Marduk is a Babylonian god who feels the need to hang around Mt. Olympus constantly.(We later find out his house is a flaming crap-hole.)

Hercules takes advantage of the fight to escape to Earth.  Once in Burbank, he begins to have a series of wacky adventures.  He has trouble fitting in, but eventually is befriended by a boy about his age. The kid's mother decides that she should take care of Hercules and send him to school, despite him throwing her date into their swimming pool for some reason.

Soon Zeus realizes the only way to contact his son is by toilet phone.  No really.  Anyways, Hercules answers the call on the tele-john and finds out that he can only waste his strength three times before he's only as strong as a normal person.  He must choose to be a mortal or a god.  Also there's a bet with Marduk and Olympus is at stake, but no pressure.

Do you think the Liquid Plumber can take out the Hulkster? 

Marduk cheats on the bet by becoming a private coach for the school Hercules is going to, and creating teams consisting of Hercules versus the rest of the school.  There's a competition, a conspiracy, and some really bad special effects.

I won't spoil the secret ending of the movie, but I will give you a final warning not to buy or rent this unless you are planning to give it the MST3K treatment.  If you are looking for a good Hulk Hogan movie (and I can't imagine that you are) you would be much better off watching his cameo in Gremlins II.

Bonus clips(There is sound but its very quiet):

Hulk Hogan calling from the toilet.

Hulk Hogan flushing.

Final rating:
7/876 Toilets

Movie Review: Inception

Last night I saw the movie Inception for the first time.  Yes yes, I live on the moon, in a cave, and under a rock.

Onto the general movie review:  Inception was interesting and entertaining, even if I had a lot of trouble deciding whether of not I liked it.  Inception is a heist movie, focused on dreams.  A vaguely original idea from Hollywood?  I'm scared too.  Anyways,.it had just the right level of complication to keep me paying attention, but not enough to the point where you have to watch the movie twice to figure it out.  At times things happen that don't immediately make sense, but the movie does circle back and explain it if you pay attention.  The soundtrack is well done as you'd expect from Hans Zimmer.  Inception starred Leonardo diCaprio, a bunch of familiar looking co-stars I cannot quite recognize, and Michael Caine (best known for his starring role in the best movie ever.)  The special effects were well done, flashy, but not distracting.

In the negative column, the movie pushed one of my buttons by throwing out the Scare Chord with reckless abandon.  I hate the scare chord in a horror movie, but at least I'm expecting to be annoyed.  I expect better from my thrillers.  (In the movie's defense, Christopher Nolan originally wrote it as a horror movie)  I thought I had more to write in this section, but since I don't I'll declare Inception worth watching.

In conclusion, this movie was coherent and entertaining, making it the polar opposite of the last movie I saw about dreams, What Dreams May Come.

Final rating:  72/89 Hurgnirs